Turkeys Deserve a Day

Be Thankful

Thanksgiving – a time we come together as families and celebrate one another by mass-murdering truckloads of turkeys. And somewhere along the line, we have this idea that it was the idea of the Pilgrims that really started it all. That they brought people together and somewhere on that long Plymouth Rockian dinner table, there was at least a browned big bird or two.

Umm, no there wasn’t.

They didn’t eat turkeys for the first Thanksgiving. Nope. Didn’t have them on the table. Not one. Apparently, according to NPR, there weren’t any women there either, or pies. No pies for the first Thanksgiving. So, maybe they were mysoginists as well. That and, for some odd reason, anti-pie people. No wonder they all died.

But back to the topic. Turkeys at that time were pretty happy and Turkish. Yes, they were from Turkey (that part I am kidding about). But, I would bet that the turkeys at that time sure as hell weren’t freaking out and dodging bullets (and failing), like they are today.

Here’s a question: How many turkeys are killed for Thanksgiving?


I just typed that question verbatim into Google, and here’s what I came up with (also verbatim):

‘45 million turkeys According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more than 45 million turkeys are cooked and eaten in the U.S. at Thanksgiving—that’s one sixth of all turkeys sold in the U.S. each year.’

I read it, and then I read it again. 45 MILLION?! Really? But, that’s the number just representing the number of turkeys that are cooked and eaten. What about the number of turkeys that are NOT sold, or NOT cooked, and subsequently, not eaten? What about all those turkeys that have been killed, but just get tossed out? Wow. That’s kind of a waste.


All in the name of ‘tradition.’ We just eat these birds because that’s what we’ve done all along, and that’s sort of just how it is. Does saying like sound weird to any of you? Anyone? I mean doesn’t it bother you that when X-mas comes along, you have to spend money to buy a “gift” for someone just because that’s what you do during X-mas? Has any of that ever come across to you as weird?

That’s sort of how Thanksgiving is, in its commercial sense. The people out there whose job it is to sell you this idea are pretty good at it. With all the commercials and television shows (cooking shows, dramas, t.v. series, even the news, etc.) mentioning or showing a turkey, they want you, the viewer to feel that there’s this sense of lack for your Thanksgiving if you don’t have a turkey for dinner on that day.

But how often do we forget that we don’t need anything on the table. I mean, we all want to eat. We’re human; we’re going to get hungry, but in the culinary sense, it doesn’t have to be something extravagant, and it certainly doesn’t have to have a turkey there.

It is not my purpose here to wean you off turkey or talk you out of having it. This is me tossing out my opinion. I do that because A. I’m a writer. I write, and this is a topic that carries some degree of interest for me. And B. because I can. I’m not talking about my rights in the United States, but as a human being. I can say whatever the fuck I want. That’s why. Some people will like it. Some won’t. If you like it, great. Thank you for reading. If you don’t like it, stop reading and thanks for giving my words your time.

You don’t have to change your Turkey Plans for Thanksgiving, but maybe give my words at least a 30-second audition. If you’re thankful for your life, the breath in your lungs, your heartbeat, and the simple beauty of every second you have in your life from the time you wake up to the time you drift off to sleep, why not let this animal that traditionally hunted on this day have one more day to enjoy its life. Think about it, how many years have you lived on Earth? And of those, how many have you consumed turkey during Thanksgiving?

What’s one day?

If you’re thankful for this animal to have given you and your family sustenance for many past Thanksgivings, why not give it a get-out-of-target-practice free card for a day?

I’m not saying become a vegetarian. Don’t make a straw man out of this. I don’t care if you eat meat. I’m just asking you to look at it from more of a thankful position; that’s all. Again, what’s one day?

Then, what the hell; you can say you had Thanksgiving that was just like the real Pilgrims. No turkey.

Women and pie?? Well, I do like me some pie.


5 thoughts on “Turkeys Deserve a Day

  1. Mike wanted me to make duck this year. Not happening. Ducks are too cute to mass slaughter. Turkeys on the other hand – have you seen one up close? Big, vicious and fugly. And oh so yummy.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

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